


Save My Life, I'm Going Down for the Last Time

by NeoVenus22



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Episode: s10e20 Unending, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-13
Updated: 2010-03-13
Packaged: 2017-10-07 23:01:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/70152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeoVenus22/pseuds/NeoVenus22
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As a general rule, Vala tried to stay away from delivering bad news. And while she thought Daniel would be slightly more receptive than the usual minor Goa'uld or crime bosses she'd served, Vala wasn't exactly eager to share this particular bit of news.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Save My Life, I'm Going Down for the Last Time

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers: 10x20, 'Unending'

As a general rule, Vala tried to stay away from delivering bad news. There was a cute Earth phrase that said "Don't shoot the messenger," but what her Tau'ri friends said so casually, Vala had actually practiced on a few occasions. Usually as the messenger. Some people just really didn't like hearing bad news.

And while she thought Daniel would be slightly more receptive than the usual minor Goa'uld or crime bosses she'd served, Vala wasn't exactly eager to share this particular bit of news. She hadn't herself decided yet if it was good or bad. She kept her secret a secret, until the smell of manufactured eggs made her stomach turn and she ran away from breakfast for the third morning in a row. Daniel waited patiently outside of the brig (the closest toilet she could find) until she stumbled out. "Vala?"

She shook her head so furiously it made her dizzy. "Not now."

But Daniel grabbed her shoulders and held her firmly. The idea being she'd have no choice but to look at him, but so long as he wasn't physically holding her eyelids open, she had no plans of meeting his gaze. Her height disadvantage was particularly useful in this scenario.

"Oh, yes, now," said Daniel, apparently refusing to be deterred by her petulance. Then again, what else did he have to distract him? "Is everything all right? You're not having some sort of allergic reaction or something, are you? Vala, if you're sick, you should tell Sam. She'll make you something new to eat."

Maybe all of her time among them had made her soft, a little more resistant to telling lies. Then again, her secret would be impossible to keep secret much longer. "No," she said. "It's not that. I'm not sick. I'm pregnant." Daniel's grip on her slackened; without conscious thought holding them up, his hands drifted aimlessly from her shoulders until he remembered himself, gripping her elbows almost too tightly. It was a facsimile of a caring gesture, one whose subtext was overwrought with anxiety and a touch of drama.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," she whispered.

"Vala. Vala, look at me. What's wrong?"

That was the sort of question one only asked if they were out of their minds. Vala broke her rule and raised her eyes to his face in order to glare. "I'm pregnant, Daniel, pregnant and marooned in space." How could he ask as though the answer could be anything else? And yet everyone on that ship behaved as though _she_ were the inane one.

"It could be worse," he said.

"How," she said flatly. "How could it be worse."

"Maybe you're forgetting the last time," he said with a wry flick of the lips, and Vala felt a laugh burbling up inside of her.

"Well, if I have to usher another insane superhuman over the ascension border, maybe this time she'll take pity on us and get us off this ship."

"We'll figure this out," he said, pulling her against him.

"Daniel, you know it's yours, right?" she asked his shoulder, trying not to get snot on his shirt.

He laughed a little, and it vibrated against her cheek and down through her whole body. "Yeah, I was sorta hoping that."

Hoping. Hoping that the baby was his because it meant she wasn't running about behind his back with Mitchell or Teal'c or Landry? Or hoping because he wanted this, wanted her, wanted this life with her? She was almost afraid to ask. "You mean, you want to..." Vala pulled back, gestured helplessly.

"Well, if we're being honest..."

"I don't like it when you're honest."

"You don't like it when anyone's honest."

"It does set an unfair precedent," she said. "Honest people expect you to be honest in return. But usually I do enjoy it when people are honest, because then they're easier to con."

She expected him to sigh and chastise her, but he said nothing. Vala disentangled herself and looked up at him. Daniel registered her gaze, meeting her eyes for a fraction of a second before staring elsewhere, at a spot over her shoulder. She got the impression he wasn't looking at anything in particular. Rather that he was attempting to look into the past. "I hadn't imagined this happening marooned in a time bubble in space," he murmured. "I had dreams, once upon a time, of me and Sha're having children. Growing old together on Abydos, raising kids... I didn't think I was the father type. She made me want to be. But I never got that chance. Maybe this was supposed to happen."

"I'm sorry I'm not her," Vala said quietly. She was surprised to find her comment was completely sincere.

Daniel took her hand, the simplest, basest gesture. His skin was warm, hers was just clammy. "I'm not. I'm always going to love Sha're. I can't not. But I can't..." Daniel's hand crept up to curl around the back of her neck, pressing her head to his chest in an almost desperate embrace. "I think we could be good at this."

"I don't know. I wasn't last time. I tried, but..."

"There were circumstances beyond your control. That... Well, it's probably not going to happen again."

"Oh, that's comforting. It means if she turns out to be a bad seed, this time it's all my fault." Vala felt ill. It wasn't the pregnancy.

"Look at me," Daniel said. "You're not a bad person, Vala, you're just a person who's... done bad things. And parenting... well, the way I understand it, it just comes to you. It will come to you. And we won't be alone. _You_ won't be alone."

Try as she might, however, and she certainly did try, Vala did not feel reassured.

* * *

Keeping the secret was much harder with Daniel hovering and flashing a furrowed brow in Vala's direction every five minutes. If she blanched at the breakfast served, he was quick to ask Sam to make something else. He offered to move objects for her and reach for high things, even though she wasn't very far along and more than capable of doing it herself. Vala thought she'd enjoy being waited on hand and foot, but it only served to annoy her.

What was more, he was being immensely unsubtle about it. Standing on the table in the middle of dinner and announcing, "We're pregnant with another possible evil supernatural overlord," would've been considerably less obvious.

Still, she wasn't expecting to be met in the gymnasium one afternoon by Teal'c, who stood with his hands behind his back and his usual speculative gaze. "You are with child."

"I'm not--" began Vala, but decided it was useless. They would, as Daniel had pointed out, find out eventually. The best she could do was delay the inevitable. But she found herself wanting an ally. One who wasn't Daniel. Teal'c would treat her with silent respect, but for the most part would stay out of her way. At the moment, that seemed all too appealing. "How did you know?"

"The early stages of both Jaffa and human pregnancies are not all that different," he said. "I recall when Drey'auc was carrying R'yac. She had many of the same characteristics as you do now." Teal'c granted her an indulgent and almost imperceptible smile. "That, and I have seen any number of Earth movies discussing the matter."

Vala found she couldn't quite answer that. "It's Daniel's," she offered, as if it could've been anyone else's.

Teal'c nodded with solemnity. "Daniel Jackson will be a good father."

"One of us should be," she murmured.

"Are you concerned that will not be the case?"

"My daughter Ascended, and is, for all intents and purposes, dead." Vala gave this pause. "And in a little less than a year."

"That was her choice to make, Vala Mal Doran. As well as her solitary goal. You may hardly be held responsible for the way the Ori designed her. You were merely a vessel."

"I named her." In a moment of weakness, one she knew Teal'c would never judge her for nor call her out on, she blinked back tears. "I loved her."

Teal'c rested a hand on her shoulder, weighty and knowing. "That is why you will be a good mother."

* * *

She was a little more than two months along, by her calculations, when the dinner came where sideways glances were exchanged between Mitchell and the general, and Mitchell and Samantha, at the dinner table. "Spit it out," she said impatiently.

There was an uncomfortable pause as they had a silent debate about who would do the honors, then Samantha spoke. "Vala, are you pregnant?"

As always, she could feel the weight of Daniel's stare. "Yes, I am."

"We are," Daniel corrected.

There was another pause, one Vala might have called of the pregnant sort, if she was in a better mood, then Samantha beamed and launched from her seat to wrap her arms around Vala in an awkward hug. "Congratulations!"

"Thank you," said Vala promptly, because it was polite, although she supposed she was rather glad that Samantha seemed pleased.

"If you get any sort of cravings, let me know, and I'll see what I can make for you. Dad told me that when Mom was pregnant, for two weeks, she wanted nothing but peanut butter on toast."

"That sounds deplorable."

"After those two weeks, she thought so, too," said Samantha with a smile.

She found herself being embraced by Mitchell and General Landry in turn. "If there's anything we can do, let us know," said Mitchell. He wore the familiar warm smile Vala was sure she hadn't seen in many miserable months.

"Don't forget, Teal'c and I have been fathers, ourselves," said Landry to Daniel. "We can give you all the advice you need."

"Poor kid's gonna have more parents than he knows what to do with," said Mitchell, smirking.

At this, Samantha made a slight gasp. "Oh! You don't know if it's a boy or a girl yet, do you?"

"No, actually."

"We need to get you in for some tests, then," said Samantha. "I can't believe you waited so long to tell me! I'll have to run scans to make sure you're healthy. Of course, I'm going to have to figure out how to do that..."

"Comforting words, Sam," said Daniel.

"It'll be all right," said Samantha, with a shrug. And for a moment, watching this moment of levity in what had been an otherwise increasingly depressing existence, Vala felt it might actually be all right.

* * *

"Are you sure you don't want to know the sex?" Daniel asked her for what felt like the hundredth time.

"We have so few surprises these days, wouldn't you say?"

"How incredibly practical of you." Daniel lay his hand on her stomach. "But he or she is healthy?"

"According to Asgard technology, yes. Although I'm not sure how much we should trust the reproductive knowledge of a species that cloned itself to extinction."

"Have you considered names?"

"I didn't do so well with that last time." She poked his chest. "You do it."

"Vala..."

"No crazy celebrity fruit names like those movie stars of yours. It's a baby, not a snack."

"Um, all right."

"And nothing you've translated from a stodgy old book of yours, that means something like 'dignity' or 'chastity' in Egyptian."

"Okay."

"And nothing cheesy like honoring the dead. That's always an emotional disaster."

"Noted." Daniel was staring.

"What?"

"Does that leave any names left?"

She shrugged. She hadn't really considered it one way or another, it seemed like too much of a hassle. "George."

"Like Saint George. Made most famous by the tale of Saint George and the Dragon. He was, among other things, the patron saint of knights and chivalry. And of course there was--"

Vala held up her hand. "Just George is fine."

For once, Daniel took the hint. And smiled. "I like George."

Vala stepped up to Daniel and wrapped her arms around him. He was warm and familiar, and he still smelled so delightfully like Daniel, even trapped in this miserable place as they were. His lips found her forehead, then her cheek, then her lips. "What about girls' names?" he asked.

Vala rested her head against his shoulder. "Don't push it."

* * *

Vala took a deep, sickly-sweet breath, and wiped her mouth on the back of her hand. She leaned backwards against the bathroom wall of unforgiving metal and willed her temperature to drop as her stomach settled. So much for morning sickness. The downside of being trapped in time and space was that no matter how much Samantha tried to regulate things so they had a schedule, Vala was just not equipped for it. She wondered if she'd ever be used to it. Though it'd never been a problem with Adria (and her stomach churned again at mention of the not-daughter she wasn't supposed to think about), she'd heard stories from the women in her village growing up, about children keeping them awake at all hours of the night. Vala had a horrifying notion that she'd never appreciate a full night's sleep again.

She rested her head against the wall, wondering if it would be a horrible thing to fall asleep here. She expected she'd ache later, but at the moment, it was entirely too tempting.

Since she didn't seem to be ready to wander much herself, her mind decided to do it for her. She tried to imagine herself as a parent, this time seriously and for real. It occurred to her that as a team, they did not have the best record for either parents nor parenting. Samantha's parents were both deceased, and with some tragedy; Daniel's parents had died in a terrible accident, he'd told her one night; Teal'c's father had been a First Prime who'd been murdered by a Goa'uld. Only Mitchell had escaped unscathed, although his father would never walk again.

Sweat pooled on her forehead in the dark as she reviewed the statistics. What would happen to the baby if something horrible befell either herself or Daniel while on this ship? They would be suspended in time forever, but they would not live forever. Eventually, all six of them would die, and the baby in her stomach would be left alone, attempting to learn the technology of a race that had died out before she was born. And even if she managed to understand it, which was something even the brilliant Samantha was having difficulties with, what then? She might live her entire life utterly alone. She might go insane. And then she would die, alone in time and space and with nothing and no one. Trapped staring at the same stagnant stars.

Vala crossed her arms over her stomach and wept.

* * *

"You're naming your baby after a Dylan song?" asked Mitchell. He had good days and bad days, more enthusiastically so than the rest of them. Privately she had heard Daniel and Samantha wondering if he was bipolar. Today was a good day, one where he expressed interest in the baby, rather than looking sad-eyed and eating his dinner in silence.

"George Jackson?" said Vala.

"Huh, I wonder why it sounded familiar," mused Samantha around a mouthful of mashed potatoes. For the most art, the team was receptive to Vala's pregnancy whims. It provided a sense of variety to their meals, and offered Samantha new ways to challenge the Asgard core, although she had never wanted anything more adventurous than fruit.

"And what have you chosen for a girl?" asked Teal'c.

"Cameron?" suggested Samantha with a smile.

He threw his napkin at her. "You could name your son Sam."

"The less we psychologically damage this child, the better," said Vala.

"With you two as parents, I don't see how you couldn't."

"You make it all sound so sinister," said Vala, trying to keep her tone light, though it was hard not to take the comment to heart.

"Well--" began Mitchell, then seemed to think better of it. "I'm sure you'll manage," he said, his voice suddenly tight, then he lay his fork on his tray, stood up abruptly, and left the room. Vala stared after him, frustrated, wondering if he'd be like this forever. She couldn't exactly blame him, but while they were all going crazy, they were at least _trying_.

"At least you'll know what to expect when George is a sullen teenager," said General Landry, casually taking a bite of potato. "Colonel Carter, I think you've finally managed to get the consistency right."

"Um, thank you, sir."

"Samantha has certainly made great strides in her work with the Asgard core," said Teal'c with a serene smile.

Samantha launched into an explanation of whatever it was she did all day, but Vala's mind wandered. George. They all referred to the baby as such, even though they hadn't found out the sex. Would it really turn out to be a boy? Mishaps with Adria aside, Vala couldn't imagine raising a girl. She glanced at Samantha, gesturing as she went on about fusion, and much as she loved Samantha, she didn't see her as a feminine influence. And while Vala herself was feminine, it was, she was forced to admit, all the wrong sort. Her father and that terrible witch of a stepmother had left Vala to her own devices. Vala didn't want her daughter to have to resort to the devices Vala had in order to survive.

There were many qualities that she did want her child to pick up from her team, though. Colonel Mitchell's loyalty. Teal'c's indomitable spirit. Samantha's brilliance. Daniel's enthusiasm. General Landry's... General Landry-ness. You could do with a lot worse influences in this galaxy, and Vala knew that from experience. She didn't begrudge her own childhood that much, and she wouldn't be where she was today if she hadn't learned to think on her feet and use certain things to her advantage.

Even so, she wanted her child to grow up beautiful and wise. They should be able to protect themselves, but they should be safe.

Of course, what did it matter? Safety didn't mean anything if they never left this ridiculous ship.

* * *

In the dream, she was drowning. Which was funny, because she was a decent swimmer. Her father had taught her how as a girl, one of the few things he'd actually been around to teach. No, he hadn't. Had he? No, he _was_, standing at water's edge while she struggled. The water was hot, and she spluttered, but it was up to her neck and in her mouth, and her weak attempts at pitiful cries just came out in burbles. Jacek waved, then promptly morphed into Daniel.

"Vala."

He stood on the shore, waving, while her neck dipped below the surface, her chin, her mouth, her nose, her eyes. It turned red.

"Vala, wake up. You have to wake up. Something's wrong."

* * *

Vala was curled in a ball on the floor when Daniel found her. He was always following her now, always seeking her out. He never did figure out how to play hard to get.

"I had Sam tell the others."

If she'd had the energy, she would have been grateful. The idea of forming words right now was too much for her to even contemplate, much less the words required to tell the people out there about yet another in a lifelong series of failures.

She felt Daniel's hand on her soaked cheek. "God, Vala, you're freezing." She was hard-pressed to care. "Come on," said Daniel, in the softest voice imaginable, wrapping warm, strong fingers around the floppy noodles of her arms, pulling her to a sitting position. Vala was supposed to be the artist, the fast-talker, the one who created something out of nothing, but here she was just the ugly lump of clay, and Daniel was the helpless sculptor, trying to make something beautiful out of something so terrible. His arm draped around her waist, his other pulled her in close to his chest. Vala was not sure if she was still crying, or if her cheeks were just still slick with tears. Her body ached all over: her arm and leg tingling their way out of numbness from where she'd been lying on them for hours, her stomach tense and sore from the contractions of wracking sobs, her head a fuzzy mess, and everything else just groaning in weak protest from the abnormality of it all.

Abnormal. That was exactly what she felt like.

"She... she found out the sex. If you're interested."

It was funny, in all her moments of fear, they had always focused on what would happen when the baby was born. How fantastic and terrible and fantastically terrible life would be with this helpless child relying on them when they could barely rely on themselves. The guilt she felt over giving birth to what would essentially be a captive animal.

Vala had always been afraid of what would happen _after_ that she had never considered she might not make it that far.

"A boy," said Daniel, not even a whisper, so soft it might as well just have been something he'd thought at her. Something she already knew.

She wondered if her own fear had done it. If she'd been so scared that she'd willed it to happen this way.

The pain clawed at her insides, trying to force its way out of her. She pushed away from Daniel, desperate to be anywhere but here. Anywhere but this godforsaken ship that had destroyed seven lives. Daniel just tightened his grip around her, pulled her in closer to his chest. Vala could hear his heart beating, and her own heart slowed its pounding to a steady drumbeat that matched his. Just the way George's heart had beat with her own.

Vala clutched helplessly at Daniel's chest, craving the connection. Anything at all, to make the emptiness go away. For the first time since the time suspension had started, the _Odyssey_ seemed entirely too big.


End file.
